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Thread: Why I don't want to quit

  1. #21
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    Hi @trish5959 , Try not to beat yourself up for trying to ease your emotional pain. I've done it myself as have countless others.

    I can empathize with you regarding an extremely great loss complicated further with diagnosed depression. I went through "heartbreak disease", which is where the grief is severe and it attacks the body physically as well as emotionally. It sounds like you went through the same, I know it sounds like a bogus diagnosis but if you think about it, it makes sense.

    Bottom line is sometimes in life we find we may have to do what works, to get us by from day to day and if you're not harming yourself, and it doesn't sound like you are, do what is necessary to survive emotionally from day to day. In time, you may decide you can deal with your grief differently but for now, do what helps you. Personally I have to be very careful with opioids, they give me that *false sense of well-being* that many feel when taking them. I've struggled with addiction for many years and I'm currently on a methadone program. I've often asked my Dr., why they don't come up with a medication for depression that simulates the effects of opioids, I mean if one is THAT low and that depressed who cares if it's a "false" sense of well being, imo (lol) !

    Take care Trish
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    Why I don't want to quit
  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Binky View Post
    Thank you @notcharlotte for your condolences. I appreciate it. So, you remember me talking about my dad a lot. He was such a big part of my life & I just can't seem to get over it. I'm hoping that with time it will hurt less but something tells me I won't get over this one. Thanks again for remembering.
    It does get better Binky but it takes a while. My parents died fairly young-my mom was 61 and my dad was 69 and he died of a broken heart from losing my mom.
    People say that you can't die from a broken heart but I watched it happen to him.
    One thing that's helped me cope is to try and live my life how my parents would want me to. Not that I'm always successful in doing so but for the most part, I try.
    I'm sorry for the loss of your dad Binky, I know just how you feel.
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  4. #23
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    @trish5959, i know where you're coming from. I've finally come to the conclusion that adults should be able to choose whatever helps them get through the day. We're all big boys and girls now and I don't need the government or my local pharmacist or even my own doctor deciding what's best for me. (off my soapbox now ).

  5. Quote Originally Posted by Katey View Post
    Hi @trish5959 , Try not to beat yourself up for trying to ease your emotional pain. I've done it myself as have countless others.

    I can empathize with you regarding an extremely great loss complicated further with diagnosed depression. I went through "heartbreak disease", which is where the grief is severe and it attacks the body physically as well as emotionally. It sounds like you went through the same, I know it sounds like a bogus diagnosis but if you think about it, it makes sense.

    Bottom line is sometimes in life we find we may have to do what works, to get us by from day to day and if you're not harming yourself, and it doesn't sound like you are, do what is necessary to survive emotionally from day to day. In time, you may decide you can deal with your grief differently but for now, do what helps you. Personally I have to be very careful with opioids, they give me that *false sense of well-being* that many feel when taking them. I've struggled with addiction for many years and I'm currently on a methadone program. I've often asked my Dr., why they don't come up with a medication for depression that simulates the effects of opioids, I mean if one is THAT low and that depressed who cares if it's a "false" sense of well being, imo (lol) !

    Take care Trish
    Thanks so much @Katey. I do agree with the 'heartbreak disease' theory although I can see if people hadn't been through it they may not believe it but as we both know, it well and truly exists. The physical pain of grief is all too real.
    And yes, I've decided that for me, taking these tabs is my best and from what I can see, only alternative. Love your comment to the doc about medication for depression simulating the effect of opioids. How true!
    Bottom line is, today I've been out and about doing stuff that makes me feel way better and more hopeful which makes me feel as if I want to keep going on whereas before I could hardly move and sank into a deep hole of depression and anxiety. Doctors have sometimes asked me if I'm suicidal and always say no but I all too often do think that way and become more so as I get older - so this alternative seems to me a better choice.
    Take care too and so wonderful to have found friends like you.
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  6. #25
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    @snowy, thanks for getting off of your soapbox...
    @trish5959, I think we all have to do what we feel is right... attachmentphp?attachmentid7075 - Why I don't want to quit.
    Last edited by Keith K Stone; 6 Days Ago at 03:44 AM.
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  7. Quote Originally Posted by snowy View Post
    @trish5959, i know where you're coming from. I've finally come to the conclusion that adults should be able to choose whatever helps them get through the day. We're all big boys and girls now and I don't need the government or my local pharmacist or even my own doctor deciding what's best for me. (off my soapbox now ).
    Ta @snowy and love your soapbox I've had depression and anxiety all my life complicated by family deaths, misunderstandings, other problems and frankly, I think I've been pretty tough to have survived it all. I've been run around by so many doctors in the hope of help only to find no understanding at all. I always remember on one particular occasion when I was utterly beside myself the doctor said 'But life is so wonderful'!
    So yes, I have to choose for myself and decide what gets me through the days.

  8. Quote Originally Posted by Keith K Stone View Post
    @snowy, thanks for getting off of you soapbox...
    @trish5959, I think we all have to do what we feel is right... attachmentphp?attachmentid7075 - Why I don't want to quit.
    Thanks KKS. Yeh, in the end it comes down to knowing what you need to keep going in life.
    Meant to say, you've got a wicked sense of humour. I love it
    Last edited by trish5959; 6 Days Ago at 11:09 PM.
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  9. #28
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    @snowy -
    My parents died fairly young-my mom was 61 and my dad was 69 and he died of a broken heart from losing my mom.
    People say that you can't die from a broken heart but I watched it happen to him.
    I certainly can empathize with your Father, so very sad. When my Elizabeth passed away, it felt like just breathing was a chore in itself and my body ached all over. I'm sure your Father experienced a lot of illnesses, some maybe he hadn't had since he was a child. I started getting tonsillitis every other week and I hadn't had that since I was around 17. My immune system was shot and the Dr's had me on steroids for a good part of the 1st year. Like your Father, I'll never be the same.

    @Binky - I'm so very sorry about your Father's passing That is a terrible loss, I lost mine too, it's so very hard.
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  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowy View Post
    It does get better Binky but it takes a while. My parents died fairly young-my mom was 61 and my dad was 69 and he died of a broken heart from losing my mom.
    People say that you can't die from a broken heart but I watched it happen to him.
    One thing that's helped me cope is to try and live my life how my parents would want me to. Not that I'm always successful in doing so but for the most part, I try.
    I'm sorry for the loss of your dad Binky, I know just how you feel.
    Gosh @snowy, how young your parents were. Your mom was my age. And your poor dad being so overcome with grief when she passed is so sad. I do believe in dying from a broken heart. I'm so sorry snowy, that had to be so hard on you. I think your parents would be proud to see you trying to do things as they would have wanted.

    Thank you for your condolences. Similar to how your living your life is something that my dad would have wanted me to do. So, I'm trying, but it's so hard to not think about losing my dad & then I go into a depression. And that's almost impossible to get rid of. So it sucks but I will keep trying to not think bad thoughts. Thanks again.
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  11. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by trish5959 View Post
    Thanks @davidpaul for your thoughtful and knowledgeable post and realise you would never be mocking or unjustified. I will have to reread this again but on first thoughts, I would absolutely agree that I am addicted to tramadol and have to be very careful. I limit myself to one 200gm tab a day in the morning. There was a time many years ago when life was very difficult that I would take another 200 tab in the afternoon but I'm not doing that anymore.
    I'm certainly not happy to being taking these meds. I'd far rather be able to live a normal life without them, however, to me, this is better than the alternative which is having no interest in doing anything and feeling hopeless day after day.
    As I say, this is far from ideal and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else but it's just what I've found works for me. If there was another way I would absolutely take it.
    Thanks again and will study your great post further.
    Hi @trish5959. To me , it sounds like you're able to be at a reasonable amount of the trams & that you're making sure to only take a certain amount. If you can stick with that, it seems to me that it's helping you live a good life. I've not had trams in years so I've not had experience with it. But if it helps depression , to me that's like opiates were for me. The fact is I felt good on them & I called them my anti depressant. But unlike yourself I never could control myself & take just what I needed. I sort of thought that if 1 was good then 2 would be even better. Because of taking pain pills for such a long time, my tolerance was through the roof. Then I found that I got depressed no matter how many I took. They stopped working for me & the counting pills & running out happened all the time. So, I got off them & the depression came on full force. I'm ok now but I have to take AD's to feel that way. I think it's great you are so determined to stick to the 200mgs & that you're doing it. Whatever you do don't go back to taking one in the afternoons. That's how it starts. Stick with what works for you & I think you will be fine. If it helps you cope I see nothing wrong with it. Just be very careful to not overdo. Of course this is only my opinion & I'm not sure if this made sense to you or if you understand what I'm trying to say by telling you my experience. I wish for you only good things trish.

    And thank you for your condolences for my dad. I appreciate it.


    Hi @Katey. I'm awful sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine how to go on if I lost a child & my dad too. You must be a very strong woman to handle what you have.

    Thank you for your condolences , it's very nice of you to write to me.
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  12. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Binky View Post
    Gosh @snowy, how young your parents were. Your mom was my age. And your poor dad being so overcome with grief when she passed is so sad. I do believe in dying from a broken heart. I'm so sorry snowy, that had to be so hard on you. I think your parents would be proud to see you trying to do things as they would have wanted.

    Thank you for your condolences. Similar to how your living your life is something that my dad would have wanted me to do. So, I'm trying, but it's so hard to not think about losing my dad & then I go into a depression. And that's almost impossible to get rid of. So it sucks but I will keep trying to not think bad thoughts. Thanks again.
    Thanks Binky. You show amazing strength to not fall back on medications to ease your mind a bit.
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  13. #32
    Tram has been a miracle drug to me as well. I take 100-200mg daily in the morning. It makes me feel whole.

    I struggle as well with quitting or not. I've gone off of it for a few days and have been lucky to have no extreme withdrawal except severe depression. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a young child. At least half of my day is now good. The afternoon/evenings are still tough for me as I only take it in the mornings.
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  14. #33
    I remember a time when opioids were being studied as a treatment for depression. I don't see why a responsible adult cant use them especially when they help with debilitating depression. Why deprive your self of so much life? Just be sensitive to the risks..

    Good Luck
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    Quote Originally Posted by NewarkCap View Post
    I remember a time when opioids were being studied as a treatment for depression. I don't see why a responsible adult cant use them especially when they help with debilitating depression. Why deprive your self of so much life? Just be sensitive to the risks..

    Good Luck
    I agree with you wholeheartedly. Opiates are also helpful with restless leg syndrome. I have a friend who must have a very enlightened doctor as he actually gave her a third more hydrocodone (which she also takes for pain) to help the restless legs issue that keeps her up at night.

    I just don’t know how we’ll ever take this power back from doctors and the government to let us citizens truly make our own healthcare decisions. I DO know that blaming doctors and the government because someone’s kid got addicted and moved onto heroin isn’t going in the right direction. I read that there’s another new law that will require patients on any sort of opioid management such as subs or methadone to be required to have that info disclosed to all doctors treating that patient. Apparently a woman on addiction management had a surgery in which she was given 50 oxys to take home for pain. The doctor was unaware of the opioid management. She took a bunch of the oxys and od’d. Now is that the doctor’s fault or the person who swallowed the pills. If we aren’t willing to take responsibility for what we do, then we ARE abdicating our rights as well. Jmho...
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    Quote Originally Posted by trish5959 View Post
    Thanks jaders. God knows if there was another way I would take it. Coming up for end of day here and feeling a bit tired and emotional. Late winter afternoons are never good so going to try digging in to some mind numbing tv. All the best.
    Had to write. I wish I had anythg. beneficial to help you. I've been trying for a yr. to wean off these trams. I really thot I could handle the aches & pain during the day but night was unbearable. Rls made it impossible to sleep. For 5 days I would get in bed, dead tired & within 10 mins. I couldn't get my legs to stop cramping & had a constant need to move them. I tried wrapping my calfs w/Lidoderm patches, Ben gay etc. No help. I read everythg I could, took Iron supplements, magnesium, ate red meat at almost every meal. I don't know if others experienced this but it was living Hell. Even tried drinking alcohol to try to pass out. Nope. All that did was add a hangover to this misery. I finally went to the couch so I wouldn't keep my wife awake. For 2 yrs she has been battling cancer & could not stress her out. I finally had to start taking them again. I won't give up getting off Tramadol. Vicious cycle. I will hope & pray for you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Binky View Post
    Hi @trish5959.

    I just want to say I understand taking meds to get through enormous grief. 9 years ago my mom died & I was devastated but at the time I was taking opiates & I understand trish how it helps you to get through the pain. It got me through my mom's death. I also was taking care of her through her illness & opiates helped in every way to help me cope. But I was also taking too many & they eventually caught up to me.

    I quit almost 2yrs ago & I miss how they helped the depression that I've always had & helped me cope with things. My dad died a year ago & I took care of him too through the month of his illness. I was extremely close with my dad & I am still beat down & devastated by his death. I still can't get over it a year later. Since I no longer have opiates to take, the grief is 10x worse than anything I could imagine. It's nothing like how I dealt with my mom's death when I was on the pain pills.

    Believe me, I've thought of the relief I would get from the awful depression, if I started back on pain meds. I know it would certainly help me deal with things. I'm very tempted. But I also know I've got a big problem of taking way too many. If I started again, the addiction would come back in no time & I would suffer again like I did getting off them.

    I'm sorry this is so long, I just wanted you to know that I understand you not wanting to quit the Trams. You hang in there trish & all the best to you.

    Oh, @Binky , I am so sorry you lost your dad. No words, time does help in some ways, as you might know I lost my mother a long time ago and this year on Mother's Day I had a hard time with grief rearing up. Some years it is ok. IDK what triggered me this year.
    [Hugs] to you, you have written over the years about your very wonderful relationship with your dad.
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  18. #37
    Hi, @trish5959! Thank you for posting and sharing! I am another who is much the same. I have no intention of ever stopping unless forced to it. Tramadol has truly saved my life I believe, and has made it a life worth living. I have been lucky in never developing a tolerance either - bugs the piss out of me when I hear all these "experts" say that you ALWAYS develop a tolerance for opioids with pain and they ALWAYS stop working for depression. Been over a decade now for me with no sign of that, and I know I'm not the only one on here that is the same. For some of us who tried tons of other antidepressants with no benefits, tram is a magic bullet.

    I have never hurt a soul by my actions. Quite the opposite, I've been better to my family and a productive citizen because of tram. So while it will seriously suck if I ever get busted, I will never feel guilty for my actions.
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  19. Quote Originally Posted by ethom View Post
    Tram has been a miracle drug to me as well. I take 100-200mg daily in the morning. It makes me feel whole.

    I struggle as well with quitting or not. I've gone off of it for a few days and have been lucky to have no extreme withdrawal except severe depression. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a young child. At least half of my day is now good. The afternoon/evenings are still tough for me as I only take it in the mornings.
    Yes, the later part of the day can be hard, as is the night. Waking up during the night is not good for the soul or mind.
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  20. Quote Originally Posted by Anne Onomis View Post
    Hi, @trish5959! Thank you for posting and sharing! I am another who is much the same. I have no intention of ever stopping unless forced to it. Tramadol has truly saved my life I believe, and has made it a life worth living. I have been lucky in never developing a tolerance either - bugs the piss out of me when I hear all these "experts" say that you ALWAYS develop a tolerance for opioids with pain and they ALWAYS stop working for depression. Been over a decade now for me with no sign of that, and I know I'm not the only one on here that is the same. For some of us who tried tons of other antidepressants with no benefits, tram is a magic bullet.

    I have never hurt a soul by my actions. Quite the opposite, I've been better to my family and a productive citizen because of tram. So while it will seriously suck if I ever get busted, I will never feel guilty for my actions.
    Thanks so much @Anne Onomis. I really doubted if I should have gone there with my post - mind you, I doubt pretty much all I do - so glad you see it as OK.
    Have to say that trams haven't been a magic bullet for me, especially of late, more of a getting through it deal, though I suspect that might be due more to my life and personality rather than the tram. Plus getting older and not seeing the funny side of life as I so often used to.

    I too don't think I've ever hurt anyone by my actions. At least as far as the trams are concerned!
    Great to hear from you and so good you've found a medication that works
    All the best.
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  21. Quote Originally Posted by Call View Post
    Had to write. I wish I had anythg. beneficial to help you. I've been trying for a yr. to wean off these trams. I really thot I could handle the aches & pain during the day but night was unbearable. Rls made it impossible to sleep. For 5 days I would get in bed, dead tired & within 10 mins. I couldn't get my legs to stop cramping & had a constant need to move them. I tried wrapping my calfs w/Lidoderm patches, Ben gay etc. No help. I read everythg I could, took Iron supplements, magnesium, ate red meat at almost every meal. I don't know if others experienced this but it was living Hell. Even tried drinking alcohol to try to pass out. Nope. All that did was add a hangover to this misery. I finally went to the couch so I wouldn't keep my wife awake. For 2 yrs she has been battling cancer & could not stress her out. I finally had to start taking them again. I won't give up getting off Tramadol. Vicious cycle. I will hope & pray for you.
    Gosh Call, I wasn't really concentrating when I first read this. Restless legs is just another one of those ways that the mind and body can drive a person crazy. You have to move your legs. There's no way you can't not move them. No matter how tired or zonked, they will keep at you. Only solution for me is to get up, walk around, read, whatever. Repeat several times a night until you finally fall into a not very easy sleep.

    Your wife is battling cancer? Now that is one truly hard road. Please do keep in touch and let us help if we can. All the best.

  22. Why I don't want to quit
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