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Thread: **My Story**, Anxiety Symptoms And my battle with depression everyday!

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    Default **My Story**, Anxiety Symptoms And my battle with depression everyday!

    Hi All, You probably know me from around the forum well if not yous do now lol


    Anyway I have had a not so good deck of cards dealt to me but you have just really got to get on with it I suppose, I was dealt with a blow in my life when my 3 year old son passed away on Ferbruary the 1st 2015, Now I'm not sharing this purely for sympathy or anything like that I just want to get that straightened out firstly that's the last thing I want I live in a town where everyone knows each other's business and my son was well publicised so that's the last thing I want I've had people come up to me who barely know me asking questions and this and that, I just want people to get a understanding off where I'm coming from first,


    Anyhow I turned to drink for a year and after his passing and amongst other things I was doing just to dull the pain (I know wrong way to go about it but that's the way I dealt with it) Also the strain off my sons passing led to the breakup off me and my ex partner to we where together 10 years,


    The point I'm getting to I had 2 massive panic attacks in April 2016 and ever since my last full blown panic attack (I thought I was going to die by the way when I was having it I got rushed to the doctors and everything) Yeah so as I was saying I woke up the next morning and ever since that day I have never felt the same, I have shortness of breath all the time, I feel like my breathing has changed, I feel like there is a piece off glass infront off my vision, My heart feels like it's beating weirdly, Feels like there is a brick inside my chest that I'm breathing around, My legs and arms go numb I get the tingles and the inner vibrating feelings are Awfull to say the least, I feel the need to take a deep breath every minute or 2, That's just the tip off the iceberg symptom wise, I have been on the brink off suicide all because off these symptoms!


    I have had these symptoms 2 year today now that's why I'm posting this and it still hasn't gone away and I feel like I'm stuck like this forever, When I had my panic attacks I deceided to clean up my act stop the drinking, Stop the smoking, Exercise more, Eat healthier, Dont get me wrong I still have the odd beer when I go out (Very rarely by the way because I feel I'm going to have a panic attack)


    People keep saying its anxiety Luke its anxiety?!? But how can it be?! I've had multiple tests run off the doctors because at one point I thought I was dying and that there was something seriously wrong with me and still do to a degree, I've had ECGs, multiple chest X-rays, I've had a 24 hour ECG and all came back fine as wine and yet all these Symtoms persist and I feel they are not going away anytime soon!


    I'm also under the care off a Therapist/Pscycartist which tell me its anxiety presenting itself physically which drives me mad!? I think how can it be?? They tell me to get out more mix with people do exercise etc which I do do and a lot off (exercise) Although it's in my own home in my mini gym, That's why I ended up on this forum because my Psycartrist won't even entertain the thought off me going on Benzos etc not even a simple small dose, They have just stuck me on anti depressants which do no good the only tablet I do take they have put me on which does me good is Mitrazapine which helps me sleep a little.


    I can count on one hand the amount of times they have prescibed me it (Benzos) and that was when I was really bad but they won't put me on them for the long term now I know that's just a quick fix or not the solution just take a few pills a day and everything will be alright and you will feel a bit better but I thought to Hell with my psycartrist I'll just source what I think I need myself and it does calm me down, I self medicate with Diazepam a day 10mg with a break now and then to reduce tollerance and I also have a tiny dose off Lorezepam when needed, Also I half a 7.5mg tablet off Zopiclone for when I can't sleep, I have really bad insomnia and again my psycartrist won't even entertain the thought off putting me on a small dose off a sleeping tablet, The thing that really frustrates me is you see people plain and simple abusing the N.H.S just purely to get the meds they want and it stops people like me who really need them!


    Anyway folks that's my story in black and white, Again PLEASE don't think i have purely done this out off a sympathy vote I've had enough off that to last a lifetime believe me, All thoughts and advice very much appreciated people! Take Care, Luke.
    Last edited by Smithy1; 1 Week Ago at 06:26 PM.
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    **My Story**, Anxiety Symptoms And my battle with depression everyday!
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    turnery will become famous soon enoughturnery will become famous soon enoughturnery will become famous soon enough

    Gosh @Smithy1 you certaqinly have had a rough road the last few years. Stress of your loss has been very severe. And it is good that you are under care. I have read that stress can cause sicknesses so maybe it is that way with you.
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    @smithy. So very sorry for all you've had to endure. There is no quick fix as you already know. However I've had 2 really bad bouts of panic disorder in my life. First at age 28, and the second one at age 44. It took about 3 years both times for things to dramatically improve, but I haven't had a severe panic attack for about 15 years now, which I am supremely thankful for. The only thing I really learned from both of those experiences, is YES anxiety can make your body feel and perform completely different and especially in ways that make you think you're seriously ill . I can definitely relate to the dizziness and tingling. Also the feeling that there's just impending doom. I went to ER's at least 2-3 times and had everything checked. What helped me the most was finally deciding and accepting that if I'm meant to die, I will and it's really out of my control. It seems like finally accepting that helped a lot. I didn't want to die, but I accepted that I'd done everything I can to take care of my health and the rest is up to the universe, (or God, if you're a believer.)

    Secondly, I got out in NATURE. For some reason, getting back to the natural world helped relax me more than anything else. Thirdly, I did my very best to face the fear as much as I could and do things I really wanted to do, even if I feared having a panic attack. I always had some xanax with me, as you probably do, which gave me some security, but it seems like the more you face the fear, it helps to shrink it - at least that was my experience. Lastly, I got lots of sleep. It seems like sleep is very healing for mental health - again. it was for me. If I had a really bad attack, I'd go to bed and finally sleep. After a while it was like I trained my brain to get sleepy right after an attack - it seemed like the episodes got shorter and shorter by doing this.

    I'll mention one more thing that sounds silly but also brought great relief when in a panic episode. I would just repeat, "I love you, I love you," over and over. It truly seemed to help.

    I'm so sorry you have to endure all that you are going thru, but I do think it will eventually get better. My personal opinion is the less drugs the better, as I think they tend to keep you "stuck" but I certainly understand the need for having some relief. I truly wish you the very best!!
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    @Smithy1, the massive codeine buying and WDing cycles you’re going through will exacerbate whatever is bothering to no end. Just take LESS and space it out. I take a little DHC, mirtazipine, melatonin, and doxylamine succinate cocktail twice a night to sleep w/o any benzo’s.
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    @jaders Thanks for your advice and support its well appreciated and I will take every word you have said to me on board, I would do anything I would to get rid off this I wake up in the morning or whenever I wake up and I think "Is it still there"? Then I feel all the symptoms and I think "yes it is" Then I get all depressed and think "this is never going to go this I'm stuck with it forever" Yeah my Therapist has told me to get as much fresh air as I can but its just actually going outside the house sometimes I can't bring myself to do it I know it's sounds barmy but that's the way I feel it's like I feel safe in my own home if you get me, I'm glad you haven't had a sever panic attack for 15 years you should be proud of yourself and how far you have come I'm 2 years and 1 day in to this terrible ordeal I'm facing each day's, Like I said ever since that day I have never felt the same I feel like I'm dying each day, I've been diagnosed with Panic Disorder/Severe Anxiety and Severe Deperssion, Anyway it's good to have someone to relate to wishing you all the luck back to, Thanks for your kind words
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    @MRNUTTY Yeah I get where your coming from also I'm going into withdrawal from Codeine Phospahte well not withdrawl id say full blown cold turkey I go from taking 10-15 a day to 0 just like that, I only take them to exercise with really I feel like if I haven't got the codeine I can't exercise as much as I can well that's what my brain tells me anyway "Take them or you can my exercise" It's probably just a excuse to take them I tend to have 3 weeks on them and 1 week off them but that week is awful for me as you have probably read in another thread, I've got plenty off Zopiclone for when I need them to sleep and some benzos to that get me through the withdrawal. Thanks for your advice also @turnery! Take Care, Luke.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smithy1 View Post
    @MRNUTTY Yeah I get where your coming from also I'm going into withdrawal from Codeine Phospahte well not withdrawl id say full blown cold turkey I go from taking 10-15 a day to 0 just like that, I only take them to exercise with really I feel like if I haven't got the codeine I can't exercise as much as I can well that's what my brain tells me anyway "Take them or you can my exercise" It's probably just a excuse to take them I tend to have 3 weeks on them and 1 week off them but that week is awful for me as you have probably read in another thread, I've got plenty off Zopiclone for when I need them to sleep and some benzos to that get me through the withdrawal. Thanks for your advice also @turnery! Take Care, Luke.

    Well when you have that relief, it allows you to do things like exercise. Ive been reading your story, while i dont have depression , i sure have anxiety and a buncha other crap..
    Believe it or not, Anxiety is becoming the leading cause of suicide. Why are we all so anxious?!?!
    I have been having "pain attacks" that turn into "panic attacks" with blood rushing through my head.
    I try to stay extremely positive even though im going through very tough times. I most likely need jaw surgery, my mom needs eye surgery. adds to the tension. and everything else in life of course.

    and i advise you to do the same no matter how hard it is!
    i know its really,,,,,,,,,,,,really hard
    to keep a positive mindset

    when we're doing all this stuff be it meds, therapies, whatever, to try to make ourselves feel better .


    but every positive thing that you do will reinforce things. every new habit you break into will break out of old ones.

    I was wondering if any of you guys have eithe
    r A) Seen my guide on how to lower your doseage/tolerance, naturally,. with supplements, vitamins, etc or
    B) Tried eating cannabis?

    I am on a very, very low dose of narcotic pain meds (regardless which i take)
    But ive been able to reduce it even further , without incurring any withdrawals, while the Marijuana has been killing my pain, and maybe after 8 hours i require a diclofenac or something similar. thc:cbd tincture, may work too or similar. but overall it was eating cannabis that has been dwarfing even the narcotic painkillers . I never thought eating weed would work the way it has been.
    Im taking around the equivalent of 5mg of vicoden or less daily now through these two methods, which have worked both for benzos and opis

    But its really all about trying to keep your mental stability and physical stability


    like----- i really need my exercise, but 75% of the time i cant even exercise due to the pain, so if i cant exercise, i try to make myself eat a little extra healthier, and make fruit & veggie smoothies , so on and so forth . its a conundrum

    I don't recommend short-term benzos (unless for acute panic attacks),
    But one i can fully endorse is Clonazepam. As long as you use it sublingually rather than orally. (unless you handle it well orally - a lot of people do not)
    Ive maintained the same dose of klonopin for over 6 years now or more without going up at all. I also take small amounts usually , under the tongue, till i hit the sweet spot. Then stop! But this has allowed for mucho conservation on all ends.

    I don't have the medical site - but Clonazepam SPECIFICALLY retains its anxiolytic effect even as tolerance rises.

    I take it to prevent primarily the spasms in my neck when i sleep along with the pain, but,

    Alas, i wish you all luck..... im just went to a REALLY, really, annoying Dr. today. He told me over the phone he treats facial pains
    ... when i get ther ehe wouldnt even order me a MRI for TMJ (my jaw). What a waste of time! Referred to pain management, atleast.
    Most likely will begin receiving cortisone and lidocaine shots , chiropractic and whatever them gremlins at the pain management (ive never been to but a couple other doctors) give me (im scared, but i shouldnt be, just wasting a lot of time and insurance might have sentme to the wrong place lol)

    PS: When i was younger, i had ultraaaaaaaaaa bad insomnia. I developed my own personal method, besides just... meds, which includes attempting to make myself tired by doing things even if i cant exercise on that particular day. and integrating specific hobbies that calm myself.

    It hurts like hell for me to get up and lay down to go back to sleep
    Last edited by infamousryan; 1 Week Ago at 11:10 AM.

  9. #8
    I have anxiety problems for a long time ( I function at work and at home but it is a problem). I decided to eliminate Caffeine from my diet and I feel the anxiety has decreased about 15 % to 20 %. This make a difference and stopping the caffeine was not that hard. I honestly thought I was addicted to it.
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    @steve12345 Thas what my therapist has said to me in the past try and replace the bad habits you are doing in your life with good ones, Which I have but 2 year down the line still no luck they also often tell me it's all in my head but how can it be when I feel all these physical symptoms everyday, Awful isn't the word there's word I can use but I don't want to put them on here lol!
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    Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time @Smithy1. Hope you can start to feel better soon.
    Don't know if this is of any help (and this is in no way scientific) but I have personally found that a low occasional dose of tramadol has worked for me as both a mild antidepressant and a motivational aid. Codeine & DHC have neither of these effects for me (if anyone can explain why this might be I'd be interested to know).
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    @creat, because tramadol has known SSRI effects. Opioids by themselves don’t.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2714818/
    Last edited by MRNUTTY; 1 Week Ago at 08:53 AM.
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  13. @Smithy1 I'm assuming you've tried beta-blockers, specifically propranolol? I know what you're saying though, ever since my first panic attack my life has been on hold basically.

    It's odd how just walking down to the shops street can become a daunting task, wtf. I often wish I could have the part of the brain responsible for anxiety surgically removed.
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    I'm sorry for your loss.
    I have had a lot of losses and you get to the point you just want to sit inside the house and not even answer the phone. I get those breath things, can't get enough air when you breath.
    Your life gets smaller and smaller. If it weren't for my grandkids I would like to go where most of my people are. It really doesn't get better it just changes. But I have joy, few and far between and hope. I have learned to live with it and all the emotions that go with it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm sorry for your loss.
    I have had a lot of losses and you get to the point you just want to sit inside the house and not even answer the phone. I get those breath things, can't get enough air when you breath.
    Your life gets smaller and smaller. If it weren't for my grandkids I would like to go where most of my people are. It really doesn't get better it just changes. But I have joy, few and far between and hope. I have learned to live with it and all the emotions that go with it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    OOPS! sorry
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    @creat I will look into the Low dose off Tramadol side off thing I heard that it can act as a anti depressant to just the withdrawls are a double whammy coming off them or so I've been told, I'm currently going through codeine withdrawl as we speak and that is awful to its help that I've got some benzos at hand and some sleep aids to get to sleep with though.

    @shrimpandwhitewine Yeah that's the first thing the doctors put me on I'm ment to take 3 X 80MG a day but sometimes I only take 2 X 80MG a day it doesn't really help me that much is I'm onest, Same here I'm with you on that one like sometimes I can barely get out off bed and get dressed never mind go the outside off the house I have times where I can Stay in the house for well over a month just because I feel safe sounds batman i know but heyyyyy lol


    @yellnhollar Yeah I can relate to you with the breathing thing it feels as though I can't get enough air at times and I'm taking a big breath just to catch my breath every few minutes Awfull it is I would say if the breathing thing went away I could handle everything else it's just the breathing thing that scares the hell out off me!


    Thanks for you kind words and advice folks! It's much appreciated
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    I am so sorry you are going through what you’re going through. I have GAD generalized anxiety disorder so it’s not one specific thing it just happens. But for me I believe it started when I stopped drinking because I guess I used to love myself with it even though I didn’t drink every day. But now that I don’t do anything I feel reality 10 times more. I can be good but I still have moments of anxiety which I have had my whole life. I know that people want to stay away from prescription medicin I am so sorry you are going through what you’re going through. I have GAD generalized anxiety disorder so it’s not one specific thing it just happens. But for me I believe it started when I stopped drinking because I guess I used in my myself with it even though I didn’t drink every day. But now that I don’t do anything I feel reality 10 times more. I can be good but I still have moments of anxiety which I have had my whole life. I know that people want to stay away from prescription medicine but if you have something that you can take as needed it will make you feel so much better. No one should have to go through all anciety depression panic attacks none of that crap we need help and we need something to get us by!!!
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  17. @Smithy1 wow 80mg, I had 1 40mg the other day and had to sit down for half an hour, maybe you're producing too much adrenaline?
    @Miss99 I hear you - besides benzodiazepines alcohol is the only thing that 'helps' curtail reality. Of course, neither are really viable everyday solutions (I acknowledge benzos can work for some however). Alcohol gives me respite from it all, but I've overdone it recently and my tummy displays this fact, so I've no choice but to face the inevitable sensory overload head on. I truly hope researchers are working hard at developing novel solutions as we speak.
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  18. Not having Caffeine was real easy. I honestly thought I was addicted to it. I stopped Cold turkey and then a month latter on a family Vacation in Mexico I tried a Cappachino drink. I was Shaking from the Caffeine and was a real Jerk to be around. I think the Caffeine "shortens my fuse" and it is not good.

    There are some good videos from this Woman on "You Tube"that have helped with Depression and Anxiety. If you can see the triggers then you can avoid getting anxious. I think that every little bit that you can do to cut down the Anxiety adds up.

    There are many People in my Personal and work life that get my goat and now I know what "their Game plan is". I can now smile and react in a Calm way to their "covert" attempts to get me to do what they want (often doing THEIR job). No more. I can do this calmly so that I do not get all pissed off. I just "turf" there crap directly back to them. I also had a marriage partner who manipulated me. She is a master at it but it no longer works. I do not "bite at the bait".

    My new view of the world is : if it is not my problem then i turf the problem right back to the manipulator. I feel like one of those Tennis Pros who SLAM the ball back at full power. The manipulators often keep on trying as they know they got me to do their Job in the past. NOt any more. So you need to stay strong and smile and give it "politely right back to the manipulator". Eventually they give up and go looking for another victim.

    I suggest anyone her watch the Videos as they have helped me so much and they are 100 % free.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrN...qKAZRPqyclRq1g

    You have 100 % control of how you respond to the triggers. It reminds me of the Snickers TV commercial were the person is in a sticky situation and needs a few seconds to come up with a response.

    I suggest you folks come up with a list of the people and organizations that cause you to be anxious. Then go after them "one by one" until you get rid of these folks. Only surround yourself with People and Organizations that work for you and not against you.

    There is enough fighting in my life that I do not need anymore. Right now I am going after my Insurance Agent who does not get back to me and I get blown off. Now Instead of repeated calls to her I got a copy of all my policy for my 4 Cars and Home and shopping around (not so much the price) but the service. Then the Old Insurance agent is "out of my life". No longer exists in my eyes. If you do this over and over for people who are repeat offenders then you will have a more calm life. Trust me it works and you feel good as you now have the power and are not helpless.
    Last edited by steve12345; 1 Week Ago at 09:37 AM.

  19. Wow. The things some have to endure in life, well it seems almost impossible to deal with. I understand what the OP has had to go through. And have also been there for a good friend when he lost a child, watching him process through the grief was gut wrenching.
    All I can offer as far as the panic attacks go, and I think I read that someone else posted this.. for me I was finally able to get control of the attacks by telling myself that “ok, if I’m going to die from this, I’ve done the best I can and the rest is out of my hands.” I too had about 2 years of the symptoms you described.
    Telling myself that I didn’t have control, had a profound effect on my outlook and ability to calm myself down. It took time, and even to this day if I feel the beginnings of a panic episode coming on, I’ve learned that I can talk myself out of one. Once I admitted to myself that it was out of my control, I started having control over it. I don’t know if that makes any sense now reading that back.
    Anyway, I guess I’m saying that just letting go has helped me more than any benzo ever did/could. Having control over our outcomes and emotions is more power than a pill will ever provide.
    Now, if I only had that kind of influence over my back and nerve pain, I’d be almost complete.
    Best of luck to you OP as you find your way through this time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Rogue View Post
    Wow. The things some have to endure in life, well it seems almost impossible to deal with. I understand what the OP has had to go through. And have also been there for a good friend when he lost a child, watching him process through the grief was gut wrenching.
    All I can offer as far as the panic attacks go, and I think I read that someone else posted this.. for me I was finally able to get control of the attacks by telling myself that “ok, if I’m going to die from this, I’ve done the best I can and the rest is out of my hands.” I too had about 2 years of the symptoms you described.
    Telling myself that I didn’t have control, had a profound effect on my outlook and ability to calm myself down. It took time, and even to this day if I feel the beginnings of a panic episode coming on, I’ve learned that I can talk myself out of one. Once I admitted to myself that it was out of my control, I started having control over it. I don’t know if that makes any sense now reading that back.
    Anyway, I guess I’m saying that just letting go has helped me more than any benzo ever did/could. Having control over our outcomes and emotions is more power than a pill will ever provide.
    Now, if I only had that kind of influence over my back and nerve pain, I’d be almost complete.
    Best of luck to you OP as you find your way through this time.
    This was EXACTLY my experience. Once you somehow come to accept or at least "make peace" with your mortality and your lack of control of "bad things happening," it actually made me calm down or "surrender" as they say. There is a lot of power in surrendering, in my humble opinion. Also, after you've actually lived thru a zillion panic attacks and the anxiety, it's easier to realize it truly is mind-generated and can definitely manifest as physical symptoms such as short of breath issues. It's definitely no fun, but I feel I have come to a better place in accepting my mortality and I feel a lot freer because of it. I'm a lot older than Smithy tho...
    Helpful Smithy1, steve12345 Rated helpful
    Likes songsiren, VEDA, Doc Rogue liked this post
    The cause of all suffering is attachment...

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    @Smithy1 I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in "2005" and that is something that no one ever gets over...You just have to live with it.
    I also suffer pretty severe anxiety and I've been in some very scary dark places when I was at my worst but slowly got better with chemical help!
    I've already told my story in my introduction when I joined this amazing forum back in January last year. But these days I manage my anxiety as best I can with only taking what I'm perscribed on a daily basis (One of which is diazepam) and I take other meds I use on occasion when needed, That's the way I've always done it so I don't become addicted to meds I'm not perscribed, also the meds will have the same effect without me having to up the dose which works in my favour in more ways than one. But yeah most of us anxiety sufferers seem so be in the same boat so we self medicate to help us cope with the demon anxiety. I wish you and all of my fellow PR members the best
    Helpful steve12345 Rated helpful
    Likes songsiren, pmpl, VEDA, peppergirl liked this post
    "Hope is a good thing, Maybe the best of things...and no good thing ever dies."

  22. **My Story**, Anxiety Symptoms And my battle with depression everyday!
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