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Thread: What symptoms did you feel from tapering off benzos?

  1. #21
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    Yes. 2mg of clonaz just doesn't result in the next day depression (or not as badly anyway). That's why I tend to favour it. The diaz often doesn't relax my mind enough to shut up and go to sleep while in bed and then I feel terribly flat and desolate into the next day. I also am often tempted to have 10mg of it as the 5mg feels like nothing.

    As far as not meant to be feeling anything from the pills and just feeling normal, that's my problem! Normal is bad! lol.

    Mood stabilisers...I am a contradiction in terms of my issues. A narcissist who also has social anxiety. A moody borderline personality who is also very flat and dull, bored and anhedonic. A person who seeks out sedation but is then bored by it. A person who wants more motivation and positive mental energy but when I am alert and awake, I'm slightly hyper, easily bored, frustrated, hugely impatient and intolerant, and very irritable.
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    What symptoms did you feel from tapering off benzos?
  3. #22
    @dearie23,

    Maybe you need a whole team of psychiatrists and psychologists ? ; )

    I meant an 'OK' normal.
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  4. #23
    Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm speaking from personal experience in correlation to your situation. And honestly, it sounds like your searching for a functional 'high'. Where you can keep all your anxiety at bay, but yet have the energy to be motivated, yet not withdrawn, but still wanting to attain personal attachments and emotions without them affecting your day to day mood. To sum it up in a nutshell. Its properly diagnose borderline personality disorder and it's treatable, but permenant.

    Everything you are going through right now fits into a BPD diagnosis, and benzos are in no way shape size or form the answer. There are few medications that do actually help with BPD unfortunately, the main course of action is intense psychotherapy, but done with Drs that specialize, as it's a mood disorder that basically has you shifting gears like you were stuck in traffic. And popping different benzos isn't going to help a bit.

    It may relieve some of the issues, but exacerbate the others and you're cocktailing benzos as is, the next thing I fear is prescription speedballing and who knows what that could potentialy trigger hss that will destroy yourselfnworth but also being shunned by your peers.

    I'm saying BPD because of the assortment of issues and the frequency of their change, but I can't diagnose you over a chat forum. And if you are seeking treatment, then you need a new Dr because this one isn't helping at all.

    You want this to mitigate itself where it's not going to be roses and rainbows, but at least a blue sky with occasional cloudiness.

    You need to find a psychiatrist first, a neuro psychiatrist to be specific so proper diagnosis is achieved. From there, referrals will be given for psychotherapy which will benefit you the most as there are several courses of interaction that can benefit someone with BPD, it's just a matter of the right one and willing to do the work.

    Meds may be a part of your regimen, but self medicating is obviously not doing anything beneficial. It's time to put down the benzos, and be completely honest with a Neuro psychiatrist so the proper tests can be given to see where you are, and what is the best road for you to travel to attain some semblance of normalcy, while still having to deal with underlying effects that have been with you since childhood and are now hardwired into your thought process.

    To sum this up, we care about you @dearie23 no one should suffer in silence and take matters in their own hands. I did, and destroyed half of my life because I never listened and did it my junkie way and completely sideways, and I fear you may reach a breaking point where you finally dip into the darkness. And when you finally give up on benzos smack will be there to feel no pain. Then blow or meth gets you moving, functional and productive, while beaming with self confidence until it wears off and you craah and burn. And finally why psychedelics?

    They tap into the subconscious mind, what we we are aware of yet can't expand your being outside the distorted perceptions of others, and to free yourself from the prison that your mind has become. They are waking you up to a point where you will see and understand things that you will have never understood before but because the variation of its purity, potential reaction, tolerance and so on and so forth is so unpredictable it is not something to be attempted without medical supervision. I mean hell they use, Ibogaine as a 24hr rapid opioid detox. So, there is a platform for you to stand on and shout this is me, love it or leave it.

    Therapies
    Cognitive behavioral therapy

    A talk therapy focused on modifying negative thoughts, behaviors, and emotional responses associated with psychological distress.

    Anger management
    Practicing mindfulness, coping mechanisms, and trigger avoidance to minimize destructive emotional outbursts.

    Dialectical behavior therapy
    Talk therapy that encourages people to both accept themselves and change their negative behaviors.
    Transference focused psychotherapy

    Psychological treatment developed for people with unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships (personality disorders).

    Psychotherapy
    Treatment of mental or behavioral disorders through talk therapy.

    Schema therapy
    Psychological treatment that helps people change negative, lifelong behavior patterns (schemas). Often used when other therapies have

    Medications
    Antipsychotics and mood stabilizers.
    Benzos only make it worse.

    Stay strong and keep your head up!

    Pangaea
    Last edited by Pangaea; 10-22-2017 at 11:22 PM. Reason: I'm shocked that made sense before the edit, never post benzo advice when you're half asleep from yours
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    I took a heavy dose of Klonopin with regularity for over a year. When I decided to get off of them it was pretty rough. I think I went 3 days without sleeping. I remember the first time I yawned on that third day and though, "I haven't done that in a while". I slept finally the third night. I also had no appetite and my mood was not good. I remember trying to work out to get a natural rush of endorphines and it feeling so weird. I felt like I could do push-ups for days. It reminded me of running with ankle weights on and then once you get use to having heavy legs - taking them off and feeling like you can jump through the roof. The worst part is the lack of sleep. After a couple days of not sleeping I was barely human. Nothing feels right.

    I would highly recommend a long steady tapering-off when coming off of any psychoactive drug. It's never a good idea to shock brain chemistry by suddenly removing something like that from your routine. Taper. Taper. Taper. Taper.
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    When I was a teenager I used to steal Diazepam and Temazepam from my mums purse to self medicate my anxiety and cannabis induced paranoia.
    Long story short...We were staying in a hotel while we were moving house and I couldn't get access to my mums pills that were in her purse, My parents knew their was something wrong with me but I couldn't tell them that I was stealing the pills or why I was feeling the way I was, Even if I wanted to tell them I couldn't put it into words....I was in a very dark scary place.
    I didn't know anything about dependancy or withdrawls, I was so naive I also didn't think the weed was making me ill as I used to love smoking it, It agreed with me for years, Then it started making me extremely paranoid. I stupidly started self medicating by smoking heroin, I became what I thought was a functioning addict by working for 7 years while I was smoking my drug of choice. I fininaly decided to give up that existance and I wanted a better life for myself "and more importantly I was ready" so I walked away from that life almost 8 years ago and never looked back. I do get perscribed Diazepam daily for anxiety which takes the edge off.
    I've been through cold turky and tapered off of a few different drugs and my advise would be - Whatever drug you are tapering off from, Do it very gradualy, Bring your mind down slowly, Do it your way the way you feel your body and mind can handle.
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    Wow, good for you for walking away from that life! It also shows how easy it is to go from being chronically anxious to seeking relief from pills, to escalating that use, to then seeking something else stronger or more dangerous to try to just get some sort of relief.

    I myself never saw myself as a "pill popper". I used to just smoke some bongs socially in my late teens / early 20s for fun and would avoid other drugs. I would laugh and say I'd never take pills as I had trouble swallowing them and I also thought, "How boring! Pills!" lol.

    Anyway...yes...a psychiatrist would be nice. I can't afford that however. All I can get is 6-10 free sessions with a psychologist organised as a mental health care plan by the government. 6-10 free sessions per YEAR. Yeah. That'll help me. lol. I have not had a proper job for 2 years so simply can't afford the $100-$200 per hour fee to see anyone. Even this free one can't get her act together and make a proper appointment with me! All I get is texts saying she'll see what she can do about making a time. I've been waiting 6 weeks.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Brax View Post
    @dearie23,

    Maybe you need a whole team of psychiatrists and psychologists ? ; )

    I meant an 'OK' normal.
    Can't afford it, and normal for me has never been ok.
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  8. #27
    @dearie23,

    Any friends or family that could help you out financially ? I don't know about your situation, but sometimes people can surprise you.
    Last edited by Brax; 10-23-2017 at 08:16 AM.
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    No. Nobody knows. And nobody will ever know.
    But never have I been a blue calm sea...I have always been a storm - Stevie Nicks

  10. #29
    If normal has never been OK, what is OK? I'm strange as hell, I don't fit the mold the world cast for everyone to seemingly be poured into and pop out all smiles. Being unique is what makes us individuals, and self worth but the flip side is basically not being OK with not being normal.

    And as far as not letting anyone in, well that's your personal choice. You're doing so here, so you want someone to know, and believe me when I say that it's not a kind or understanding world when you live with issues like this, but like @Brax said people can surprise you.

    I would try support groups, if you don't want anyone close to you to know the situation, but eventually you gotta let someone in. We think we have it under control and that's when it goes bad. You're able to tell us here, and yes this is an easier medium for communication but a simple hug and a shoulder to lean on goes further than any words can. It can't hurt to try.

    Pangaea
    Helpful snowy, pmpl, Sushi, djrick Rated helpful
    The direction of the eye, so misleading. The defection of the soul, nauseously quick. I don't question our existence. I just question our modern needs.

  11. #30
    @dearie23 any updates on the situation?

    Pangaea
    The direction of the eye, so misleading. The defection of the soul, nauseously quick. I don't question our existence. I just question our modern needs.

  12. #31
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    Nah, the same. I'm ok.
    But never have I been a blue calm sea...I have always been a storm - Stevie Nicks

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    I hope things are getting better for you. I feel for you...... I am currently trying to taper myself. There is a possibility I may be hospitalized and I am too embarrassed to let them know. I worked there so it's a matter of stupid pride. More than that I am sick of worrying whether or not I have my pills when we go away. I don't want to die from a grand mal seizure or embarrass my family for cause of death.
    I have always had trouble sleeping and it was a quick fix that has gone on too long. I already have a pysch doc and 2 therapists to try and un earth what is my problem.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    G
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    Oh wow, I didn't even think of that kind of thing! What if I had to be hospitalised and couldn't have any pills? Ugh!!!

    Good luck for you too G!!!
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    I felt high anxiety obviously, irritability, headaches, etc. all the signs of withdrawal one would expect. My highest dosage to maintain a comfort level was 6-8 mg daily. I tapered down using very high doses of valium over a 2-3 month span. I think I started out the first using 60-80 mg of valium daily, then each following week would work my way down until the last week it would be 10mg daily. It worked well for me, but I know some folks are using way higher doses of alps, so it could be more difficult, each person has a different situation and body chemistry. I believe what I did was considered the Ashton method, though some may correct me on this point, and that's fine. I didn't read the book but was instructed to do it this by a psychiatrist. Good Luck with your detoxing journey, just take it slow as it will take months to get where you want to be. It may seem impossible at times but you can do it if you're dedicated to your goals.
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    That is encouraging, thank you! My issue, as I have said at some points, is that the REASON for me seeking chemical relief will remain, as it has existed basically all my life.
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  17. Quote Originally Posted by Lumo View Post
    Completely agree, getting off them is not necessarily the same thing as 'no longer needing them'. There are many times where it is good and appropriate to taper off when the usage was meant to be short term and for a specific reason, eg after an unusually stressful situation or in the case of pain meds after the cause of the pain has been resolved. However, for the chronic sufferer, be it anxiety, stress, depression, whatever, getting off the meds in many cases is just a return to the old normal, or worse, if the meds have been taken for a long time, there could be eg a long lasting increase in anxiety after stopping. In these cases continuing taking them is a balance between the long term effects of not taking them (what does chronic anxiety do to your enjoyment of life?) versus the long term effects of taking them (eg cost, side effects, reduced effectiveness). If usage is under control (not constantly increasing) and the meds continue to be effective and the problem they are treating is chronic, and counselling or other therapy doesn't work, then many people find long term use a viable option and better than no usage at all.
    I've found ways to manage anxiety, like meditation, taurine supplements, catnip tea...I notice in my advancing years that it's a certain week out of the month; coinciding w/my nightsweats, hot flashes and cold spells and slowed digestion, flatulence and bloating...so it's my menopausal hormones that sometimes make me feel like I've gone mad and I just have to be aware of it and realize that it's a passing phase and to *try* to take it all in stride.

    But my insomnia is much more deep-seated, chronic and goes way back but gets worse with age, rather that 'just' very delayed sleep onset, I suffer fragmented sleep - and that's with benzos! I hate getting 4 hours or less and not being able to go back to sleep. I've gone off and back on benzos, but I feel suicidal from lack of sleep when I'm off. It's really conflicting - on one hand, being a slave to the meds and worrying about sourcing and running out and tolerance and OTOH, quality of life.
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    Doctor please, some more of these

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    I suffer fragmented sleep. I hate getting 4 hours or less and not being able to go back to sleep. I feel suicidal from lack of sleep when I'm off. It's really conflicting - on one hand, being a slave to the meds and worrying about sourcing and running out and tolerance and OTOH, quality of life.

    @therealchillax

    Your words really resonated with me. Lack of sleep, sleep problems, so many PR members over the years have suffered including myself, really all my life. @HarryIrene who we lost around this time of year a few years ago talked about it. Take care.
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  19. Then again, I used to be a slave to prednisone when I had Crohn's and there weren't all these newer classes of drugs for them. They couldn't be CT'd, only gradually tapered. It's like they masked such intense excrutiating pain that can't be put into words. Only difference is that benzos are head meds. But both types taken long term regularly - and sometimes very medically necessary - have a potential for physical dependency.
    Doctor please, some more of these

  20. I have been prescribed several different benzos for a total of about 12 years. I am currently taking diazepam along with an AD and AAP. The combination seems to work well for my anxiety and depressive episodes.

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    I know this thread is kinda old but I wanted to add my recent experience. First off, I have never experienced benzo wd until this last time (taken them on and off for years), this last time I went a little overboard as I had a fairly large supply. I never get much out of benzos (i dont have anxiety but insomnia). Well I started taken them for sleep, this consisted of either 10-20mg diazepam or 1mg alprazolam. I started taken them earlier and earlier during the day, first when I got home from work before dinner then at work! Well, I only did this for about maybe 3 weeks going through about 50 1mg alpraz and 50 10mg Valium (obtained through a vendor, not Dr) but man when I stopped I experienced what I have been reading about all these years.
    It started about 10pm after 24hrs with no benzo. Of course I could not sleep, then got restless and finally got a splitting headache and my heart was racing, I realized right then it was benzo WD. I immediately hopped out of bed and took 2 etizolam which barely helped. As the day went on I felt pretty awful, it was nothing compared to opiate wd i have been through multiple times but bad enough. The best way I can describe it is I felt out of it, kinda spaced out and (dysphoria). My headache continued throughout the day in which a drank coffee to to try and take away the headache which in turn made my anxiety worse.
    I was able to function but not good. Anyways, it was about 48hrs in and I found 3 10mg valium in a coat of mine. I immediately took one and within 20 mins felt 90% better, that was last night, I still couldn't sleep though so about 3am popped another 5mg. I know I only used benzos for 3 weeks but it was enough to create wd's for me. I hope I am through it now (unless last nights dose re-starts everything). I now have a healthy fear of benzos and hope not to repeat that again. Is 48hrs probably the peak of the WD's? Or can they continue getting worse as time goes on?
    J
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  22. What symptoms did you feel from tapering off benzos?
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