Does your doctor remember you birthday?

cupeater

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Joined
Mar 15, 2020
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25
Maybe this is a weird question. I see a psychiatrist regularly and since the pandemic started (Well, not started. Like 2 months.) I began seeing a psychologist over video conferencing. I was curious what types of experience others have had. I am a new patient of hers so I have been seeing her weekly. I had an appt a couple days before my birthday and I thought it was odd she didn't mention anything. She presumably would have my "file" in front of her with my info... right? At first it didn't bother me, but it definitely highlights a bigger problem.

Even though I've been seeing her weekly as a new patient, it seems like I've been repeating myself a lot. She focuses on personal relationships and I feel like I'm frequently having to re-explain dynamics or basic descriptions of relationships that we have already gone over in detail in previous sessions. Essentially she forgets significant things and I'm surprised how she would forget or that she doesn't take notes. I think I am going to find a new therapist who is a little more attentive and maybe takes more notes or just remembers things, but I was curious what experiences others have and what type of relationship you have with your psychologist/therapist. This is my first voluntary experience with a 1on1 therapist (I'm ashamed how long it's taken me) and it just feels... superficial. Curious if this is typical and if it takes a while to find the right person. If anyone has a recommendation for a tele-therapy service, I would love one!

My psychiatrist is cold by contrast--almost robotic--and it feels like our appts are 15-minute lectures with a refill sign-off at the end. I kind of expect it, though, so I don't really mind other than the fact that she's really strict with her scrips.
 
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Marcone

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May 27, 2020
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83
Your experience is really frustrating. Given the demand for such profession to be attentive and enthusiastic, I agree that you should change your therapist soon.
 

feisty

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 3, 2014
Posts
571
Maybe this is a weird question. I see a psychiatrist regularly and since the pandemic started (Well, not started. Like 2 months.) I began seeing a psychologist over video conferencing. I was curious what types of experience others have had. I am a new patient of hers so I have been seeing her weekly. I had an appt a couple days before my birthday and I thought it was odd she didn't mention anything. She presumably would have my "file" in front of her with my info... right? At first it didn't bother me, but it definitely highlights a bigger problem.

Even though I've been seeing her weekly as a new patient, it seems like I've been repeating myself a lot. She focuses on personal relationships and I feel like I'm frequently having to re-explain dynamics or basic descriptions of relationships that we have already gone over in detail in previous sessions. Essentially she forgets significant things and I'm surprised how she would forget or that she doesn't take notes. I think I am going to find a new therapist who is a little more attentive and maybe takes more notes or just remembers things, but I was curious what experiences others have and what type of relationship you have with your psychologist/therapist. This is my first voluntary experience with a 1on1 therapist (I'm ashamed how long it's taken me) and it just feels... superficial. Curious if this is typical and if it takes a while to find the right person. If anyone has a recommendation for a tele-therapy service, I would love one!

My psychiatrist is cold by contrast--almost robotic--and it feels like our appts are 15-minute lectures with a refill sign-off at the end. I kind of expect it, though, so I don't really mind other than the fact that she's really strict with her scrips.
Yeah I would not like that relationship but that is me. I have a psychiatrist and I see her over video chat and she will call me ever so often to make sure I am ok. I love her. She remembers everything and never has to look at her notes and I have been with her about 9 months now.

Having the right therapist for YOU is key. Having them UNDERSTAND YOU is key. If you are always repeatedly saying the same thing over and over I would not be a happy person.

I agree you might want to check out someone else.

I personally love the video teledoc appts I don't have to get out of my PJ's or fix my hair etc. And we talk as if I am right there 6 feet away in a chair in her office. I would prefer to be er have an in office visit again at any doc lol.

Good luck keep us posted.
 

cupeater

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Joined
Mar 15, 2020
Posts
25
Should I bother explaining to her why I'm switching? I can just cancel my next appointment, but it's already covered by my insurance so I could have one last appt and just let her know I'm moving on. Now that I type it out it sounds overly sentimental and pretty stupid, so I probably won't do it, but still interested to hear thoughts. Maybe I can send her a brief email.
 

jaders

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Feb 1, 2012
Posts
1,767
Should I bother explaining to her why I'm switching? I can just cancel my next appointment, but it's already covered by my insurance so I could have one last appt and just let her know I'm moving on. Now that I type it out it sounds overly sentimental and pretty stupid, so I probably won't do it, but still interested to hear thoughts. Maybe I can send her a brief email.
Personally I wouldn’t bother. Unless you’re in a network who actually asks for and values your opinion I highly doubt your criticism will get much attention. I certainly agree tho, that you should change. Therapy is way too important to waste time with someone who clearly isn’t “listening!”

I did one video conferencing with my doc - mandatory to get new med scripts. I didn’t like it because she seemed distracted as well, but it could’ve just been a one time thing. I would try it again but I would prefer in house visits myself.

Good luck!!
 

Raspberry

Eminent member
Joined
Aug 25, 2015
Posts
1,167
My doctor doesn't even remember my name.

Truthfully, for patients in crisis, the intensive outpatient treatment was humiliating.. I did that years ago and was angry at how people were treated who had serious suicide attempts the day before. It was bad. I wasn't there for that reason, but everybody who worked there was on vacation and it was a new person every day leading the session.

I can't get therapy from my health care provider. They don't offer it, even though I am insured for that. They have a psych department but they are terrible and they know it.

The last medication dr. I saw didn't listen at all and told me what was in her notes, which wasn't what was in my notes, but since she didn't listen, there was no communication, and I had never met her. I had to explain myself over and over to each person that I did see because it was never the same person twice and they didn't know who I was.

I have gone to the outside and private paid when I needed to see someone for a while. They can't really help, but they can sign notes, which my regular health care provider would not/could not do.

My son is developmentally disabled and really needs regular counseling. He couldn't get help there either. He agreed with me that they are no good for that and now he has county services that he likes.
 
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trish5959

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Aug 28, 2011
Posts
431
It's an interesting question @cupeater. A close relative is a psychologist and she's often said that one of the most demanding and draining aspects of her profession is trying not to be constantly concerned about her clients because doing so completely wears her out and destroys her ability to help anyone. Maybe this psych has taken that to another level to where she is blocking out what really matters?

There are so many variables to consider: we're always going to meet people we simply don't fit with, just because you've got the certificate on the wall doesn't mean you necessarily have what it takes (especially true to my mind when it comes to the medical field) something is happening in her life that is affecting her ability to do her job as she would want to do (haven't we all been there!) is she being so hounded by time and money constraints she simply can't give you her best (she also forgot her mothers' birthday!)

All that said, it's time to move on and try to connect with someone else who can help you. Chances are you'll have to 'interview' a few people before you find the one that fits. I sincerely hope that you find the 'one' soon. All the best.
 

cupeater

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Joined
Mar 15, 2020
Posts
25
Started doing a couple "interviews" and tragically I did not use the stupid provider finding tool from my insurance website. I just used Yelp. I did find one amazing doctor who flat out said he was willing to work with me and try the medications that I thought were actually working as long as I would be okay with meeting with him every other week for the first few months. I was pretty happy until I found out he was the only out-of-network provider I saw. Not back to square one, but now I have to schedule another round of "interviews" and it's really frustrating. I absolutely get that doctors are afraid to prescribe certain medications because of addiction or other risks. However, if a specific medication actually WORKS for treatment then withholding a prescription is counter productive.

At first I was frustrated because I thought the doctors I was seeing were lazy or distrusting, but looking at the thousands that my insurance has paid out for claims in the past couple months makes me realize these doctors are just greedy. Hopefully I can find someone that will take my money AND treat me at the same time.
 
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Cassius Star

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Aug 5, 2020
Posts
75
I'd say get a new psychiatrist at this point. To me, it sounds like she is only there to collect a check and do the minimal work to get there. She should be taking notes, and remembering more about you. I wonder if she has too many patients.
 
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