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Lonely

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pinkflower

Eminent member
Joined
Sep 20, 2018
Posts
1,510
This breaks my heart @Smithy1

I have no answers because I feel the same. I looked for solace and comfort in the eyes of a family member today, who helps me out a lot with errands because I have to be home almost all of the time because I look after my mum, but there was none because she doesn't know what to say to me. I am so lonely and filled with fear at home, which makes no sense.

Have you got anyone to reach out to in real life? I'm a bit of a misanthrope but I so crave human contact. A bit of an oxymoron there.

You are young. You will disagree, haha, because we have had this discussion before. But you are. I know you must still have a lot of grief to carry, plus your latest heartbreak, but are there people you can turn to? Do you have counselling?

Sending you a big hug anyway, from very far away.

I had a friend in the UK and I loved her to bits. We were in constant contact and her husband called us the schoolgirls. She used to say to me when I was down, "sending you a hug, darling" and it felt like a real hug. The friendship is over now and I still shed tears about it when I think about it.

I guess you have had a lot of counselling, but I wish I had something else to suggest. I think you need people and fun and maybe a counsellor to talk to.

:heart:
 

spanishcarlitos

Senior member
Joined
Mar 30, 2021
Posts
87
Every minute, every hour and every day you will feel a bit better. Don't take decissions and ask for help to health specialists if you feel you can't do it alone. Also there are free counseling groups apart from family that you can try to use to. Best luck.
 

jaders

Exalted member
Joined
Feb 1, 2012
Posts
4,153
Currently laid here in the dark anxiety ridden at a all time low with life😔

I don’t know if this is a good suggestion or not, but it seems like you’ve been in this state for so long Smithy. Have you ever looked into one of the many hallucinogens or “teaching plants?” Even low dosing could be a help, imho. It’s like you need some sort of “earthquake” to change the landscape enough to really propel you in a different direction.

In my state they just approved the use of psyilocybin for intractable depression and it’s getting great reviews. You seem like such a good candidate for something “experimental” because my fear is that if things don’t change you’re really at risk of
your anxiety and depression becoming “terminal.” Even LSD is getting some attention for depression and the terminally ill. There’s also a very good teaching plant called Ibogaine which you could likely source too, if you read about it and it looked appealing. You could take that at low doses therapeutically as I fear a big trip would be too much.

Please consider something outside the box perhaps?
 

trish5959

Distinguished member
Joined
Aug 28, 2011
Posts
625
The major problem is, when you're in such deep trouble, trying to organise some sort of help for yourself is simply a mountain too hard to climb. In utter desperation I've twice presented myself at A&E. I sat for an hour or so trying to keep it together. I was then called in to see a nurse who asked some fairly routine questions. She then told me to go back to the waiting area. After another two hours sitting there I realised there was no help coming anytime soon, so I just left.
I spoke to my sister over the weekend and she is yet another person who simply has no idea what mental illness involves. According to people like her and many others, it still is a matter of 'getting over it'. I find their responses very bullying and intimating. 'Come on, talk to me!!!'
How can you try to explain what is going on with you when faced with such misunderstanding and hostility?

It's why I buy drugs on PR sites. I'm desperate to find something that will help me.
 
Last edited:

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
@pinkflower That’s exactly how I feel you coudnt off described it better for me if you could have tried, You have hit the nail exactly on the head for me I’m also filled with fear at home I just hate these four walls and like you I crave human contact so much but don’t get it.

I woudnt exactly say I was young I’m 31 one coming up and I feel as if life is coming to a end already I’m just so lonely and feel like I have no one In the world to talk to and vent out to I just don’t see myself getting out off this loneliness depression and anxiety I feel it’s getting the better off me day by day as each day passes.

I have counselling and I’m on medication but I just don’t feel it helps with me to be honest I’ve been under a lot off counsellors before and I’m still under them to this day but it’s just telephone appointment with the pandemic.

Thankyou for your hug it means the world! Plus also thanks for your understanding words Take care , Luke.
 

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
The major problem is, when you're in such deep trouble, trying to organise some sort of help for yourself is simply a mountain too hard to climb. In utter desperation I've twice presented myself at A&E. I sat for an hour or so trying to keep it together. I was then called in to see a nurse who asked some fairly routine questions. She then told me to go back to the waiting area. After another two hours sitting there I realised there was no help coming anytime soon, so I just left.
I spoke to my sister over the weekend and she is yet another person who simply has no idea what mental illness involves. According to people like her and many others, it still is a matter of 'getting over it'. I find their responses very bullying and intimating. 'Come on, talk to me!!!'
How can you try to explain what is going on with you when faced with such misunderstanding and hostility?

It's why I buy drugs on PR sites. I'm desperate to find something that will help me.

i hate that attitude off mental health mental health is a real illness and it should be talked about more bit shoved under the carpet people should be allowed to talk about there feeling especially to your sister to I know a few people who have the same attitude as your sister and it stinks doesn’t it😢 If only there was a magic button to make us alll better then I would surely press it for everyone on here sending you a big hug take care, Luke x
 

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
@mancman Thanks for your reply mancman we have spoke many times on this forum your a good guy thanks for popping up there my old friend.
 

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
Currently laid in the same position as I was last night still depressed anxious paranoid can’t sleep weird dreams when i do Sleep it’s like I can’t win when I’m awake and I can win when I’m asleep I just can’t get out off bed everything is gone in my head I feel, this isnt for a sympathy vote this is genuine how I am feeling I just feel depleted and defeated😔 Sorry for ranting folks😔
 

spanishcarlitos

Senior member
Joined
Mar 30, 2021
Posts
87
Im not sure a "power plant" as some suggest could be helpful in his case, every depression and person has to be treated on a one by one basis. You have to share it with someone of your trust or try to find some group that will help you (Careful with cults). The other option is let the time pass and wait for an spontaneus recovery or betterment (that always happen) and then take the control of the situation but my advice is to look for a family member and have him or her helping you. I was in a similar situation, tried to do it alone but then often I wasn't going to teraphy for being too sad or other excuses, so I ended needing a helping hand to "push" me to follow the recovery program.
 

jaders

Exalted member
Joined
Feb 1, 2012
Posts
4,153
Im not sure a "power plant" as some suggest could be helpful in his case, every depression and person has to be treated on a one by one basis. You have to share it with someone of your trust or try to find some group that will help you (Careful with cults). The other option is let the time pass and wait for an spontaneus recovery or betterment (that always happen) and then take the control of the situation but my advice is to look for a family member and have him or her helping you. I was in a similar situation, tried to do it alone but then often I wasn't going to teraphy for being too sad or other excuses, so I ended needing a helping hand to "push" me to follow the recovery program.

Actually there is a ton of research going on using both Psylocibin and lsd for treatment resistant depression. I certainly agree that everyone is different but to rule them out is like ruling out one useful tool. Ketamine is getting lots of attention for depression too. I have a very good friend who is also dealing with treatment resistant depression and she’s tried EVERYTHING traditional medicine has to offer including electro shock therapy.

I do feel like if and when someone is feeling suicidal, “waiting” to get better isn’t always the best advice.

Just trying to offer some new solutions to Smithy. I have personal experience with Ibogaine and it’s extremely effective in altering negative patterns. 🙏❤️
 

Lifeliver

Distinguished member
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Posts
561
I don’t know if it’s possible for you to do, but I force myself to go to a “soup kitchen” when I feel I can’t get out of depression. Helping others does more for me than it does for them. A friend made me do it one time and now I know I have to when everything seems so hard. The love of God feels so real to me there.
 

Nylina

Lapsed Senior Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2014
Posts
244
I've been trying myself to find ways to help depression, other than the meds I finally gave in and started..

You can try coloring for adults - It is surprisingly relaxing and helpful
Loud muisc
Walking

Other than that force yourself out of the house, even if its super hard.

Don't do what I did, don't drink it away ><
 

trish5959

Distinguished member
Joined
Aug 28, 2011
Posts
625
Currently laid in the same position as I was last night still depressed anxious paranoid can’t sleep weird dreams when i do Sleep it’s like I can’t win when I’m awake and I can win when I’m asleep I just can’t get out off bed everything is gone in my head I feel, this isnt for a sympathy vote this is genuine how I am feeling I just feel depleted and defeated😔 Sorry for ranting folks😔
No need to apologise here Smithy. How are you feeling? Any relief at all yet? I decided to take some kratom today. I've been thinking about it for a while and finally thought now is the time. I felt surprisingly good. Only a small flat teaspoon twice during the day and it did unexpectedly lift my spirits. Maybe a thought?
 

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
@Nylina Thanks for your reply it was really honest l, That’s what i do soon as i am really depressed I reach for the bottle then it makes me even more depressed I don’t know why I do it I’m still currently laid in bed for the 3rd day running haven’t moved or anything like that not showered nothing I’m finding it really hard at the minute I’m probably at my worst ever depression wise and anxiety wise😔 Luke.
 

Smithy1

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Posts
949
@trish5959 Just I don’t want to loan inmir anything like that or want people to think ‘or luke is having a rant again’ , Nope still no relief or anything I’ve barely moved the last three days I just feel such a burden to everyone.

Wow so did it work for you?? I’m pleased for you I’ve never heard off it I’ll have a look into it.
 
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