So how did you come to be in this World?

Recommended Pharmacies on Pharmacy Reviewer

Red53

Honorable member
Joined
May 14, 2011
Posts
385
Years ago when I first found out about my Fibromyalgia, a chemist told me to take a remedy that was an ingredient for cough mixture. and it worked very well for about a year and I felt better. However, the manufacturers stopped making it and that was that. I looked high and low for this magical mixture but never found it again. Hence my presence here.
 

lodamarT

Banned
Joined
Mar 5, 2020
Posts
7
My father is dying. I haven't spoken to the sonofvabitch in more than 10 years, and I found out about his condition from a friend of mine who got a Facebook-news-lead on his profile page, or whatever. He's a dead beat dad. Since hearing about his stage IIII liver cancer all I can think about is all the grief he put me and my mother through over the decades. He got me hooked on Percocet when I went to live with him for the first time in my life. I was 14-years-old. He'd feed me pills and weed. I was high or strung out most of my 10th and 11th grade. I finally had to test out of high school due to my new-found addiction. I was 16-years-old when I tested out of high school, though my career in opiate addiction had only just blossomed. My brother died of a heroin overdose four years later. At 20-years-old I started racing bike professionally. In the late 90's and early 00's doctors handed out hydrocodone like Skittles at a rave. I was constantly strung out on meds. Constantly thinking about my pills. Constantly looking in people's bathrooms and closets. Constantly starting and finally failing at everything I did. The then middle class, white-collar drug-addiction.
Recently, once again, I have lost everything, and every time I lose I'm 5-7 years older and the stakes are greater every time. My wife is divorcing me now, and I've left my baby girl in another country to be raised by her single mom. I sold meds for years and skated on the fringes of a foreign society letting time pass me by while I stood with my eyes closed. Fake until you make it, I tell myself. But I haven't aged since I was 14, when I got hooked on opiates, and the most real of things has come and crushed me so deeply I sit and sob daily in shock that I've come to repeat the same actions my father took as a parent towards his family at my age. I wish I could scrub myself clean from the inside out, but all I want to do is numb myself from the pain and self-loathing. I want to do the only thing I know how to do.
 

Doc Rogue

Honorable member
Joined
Mar 14, 2018
Posts
437
My father is dying. I haven't spoken to the sonofvabitch in more than 10 years, and I found out about his condition from a friend of mine who got a Facebook-news-lead on his profile page, or whatever. He's a dead beat dad. Since hearing about his stage IIII liver cancer all I can think about is all the grief he put me and my mother through over the decades. He got me hooked on Percocet when I went to live with him for the first time in my life. I was 14-years-old. He'd feed me pills and weed. I was high or strung out most of my 10th and 11th grade. I finally had to test out of high school due to my new-found addiction. I was 16-years-old when I tested out of high school, though my career in opiate addiction had only just blossomed. My brother died of a heroin overdose four years later. At 20-years-old I started racing bike professionally. In the late 90's and early 00's doctors handed out hydrocodone like Skittles at a rave. I was constantly strung out on meds. Constantly thinking about my pills. Constantly looking in people's bathrooms and closets. Constantly starting and finally failing at everything I did. The then middle class, white-collar drug-addiction.
Recently, once again, I have lost everything, and every time I lose I'm 5-7 years older and the stakes are greater every time. My wife is divorcing me now, and I've left my baby girl in another country to be raised by her single mom. I sold meds for years and skated on the fringes of a foreign society letting time pass me by while I stood with my eyes closed. Fake until you make it, I tell myself. But I haven't aged since I was 14, when I got hooked on opiates, and the most real of things has come and crushed me so deeply I sit and sob daily in shock that I've come to repeat the same actions my father took as a parent towards his family at my age. I wish I could scrub myself clean from the inside out, but all I want to do is numb myself from the pain and self-loathing. I want to do the only thing I know how to do.
Brother, you’ve had a painful life, filled with a roller coaster of emotions and ups and downs with or without the meds. I’m not sure reading your post if your seeking out info for support, or just here to fill the need.
Whatever it is, I hope even though you’re feeling broken right now, going through a divorce, there is life out there waiting for you.
Being put on drugs at 14, not knowing the phycological effects that would have on you while at a young enough age while you’re brain is still developing, that’s just about as shitty a story I’ve heard in my life.
I’m sorry you were exposed to that, and that it’s defined your life somewhat even to this day.
I won’t preach, I just hope you can find a way to pick up the pieces, get what you need to deal with your struggles, and move forward and maybe even at some point repair some of the damage done.
I say this with full honest humility,, your post hit me deep in the chest and I hope nothing but the best for you moving forward in your life. You’re still here, and you can decide what you want to do from this point on. No one can steer you this way or that. If you need support, there’s a plethora of members here who will gladly chime in to offer any advice you want to seek out. Take care, and all the best to you. And whatever path you choose, there’s others here dealing with their own past demons that just may be able to relate and help you out. This is a great place to seek out advice and what others have done to get their usage either under control, or even eliminate their dependency altogether. Wishing you well, thanks for sharing.
 

jaders

Eminent member
Joined
Feb 1, 2012
Posts
1,836
Brother, you’ve had a painful life, filled with a roller coaster of emotions and ups and downs with or without the meds. I’m not sure reading your post if your seeking out info for support, or just here to fill the need.
Whatever it is, I hope even though you’re feeling broken right now, going through a divorce, there is life out there waiting for you.
Being put on drugs at 14, not knowing the phycological effects that would have on you while at a young enough age while you’re brain is still developing, that’s just about as shitty a story I’ve heard in my life.
I’m sorry you were exposed to that, and that it’s defined your life somewhat even to this day.
I won’t preach, I just hope you can find a way to pick up the pieces, get what you need to deal with your struggles, and move forward and maybe even at some point repair some of the damage done.
I say this with full honest humility,, your post hit me deep in the chest and I hope nothing but the best for you moving forward in your life. You’re still here, and you can decide what you want to do from this point on. No one can steer you this way or that. If you need support, there’s a plethora of members here who will gladly chime in to offer any advice you want to seek out. Take care, and all the best to you. And whatever path you choose, there’s others here dealing with their own past demons that just may be able to relate and help you out. This is a great place to seek out advice and what others have done to get their usage either under control, or even eliminate their dependency altogether. Wishing you well, thanks for sharing.
So weird, that this person turns out to be banned for being a vendor? I'm having trouble grasping that...:shake:
 

Doc Rogue

Honorable member
Joined
Mar 14, 2018
Posts
437
So weird, that this person turns out to be banned for being a vendor? I'm having trouble grasping that...:shake:
I guess that’s what I get for being out of the loop for 2 weeks. I didn’t even know that, but he does say he sells pills. Either way, a very rough life there, I can’t even. True or not, it was a tough read for me.
Thanks Jaders!

Just realized his screen name is Tramad0l backwards ;)
 
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EvilBlake

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2017
Posts
5
A good thread! I’ve been around these boards on and off for nearly 20 years. I started at DB forum until Alex pissed me off so much I, with a couple others, went off and started BugDryers forum. Admin’ing that board was a trip! Drama is some poster’s middle name. I find myself back because the in-person docs have made getting pain meds darn near impossible. For several years I had a 100 mcg fentanyl patch RX...now they expect you to some how get by with 60 tablets of 10/325 percs. Ugh! I’ve lost so many friends that have been forced to the streets to find relief, only to overdose on unknown fentanyl analogues in their DOC. In fact Benny, my cohort at BugDryers died back in 2014.
 

Radley1

Senior member
Joined
Feb 18, 2011
Posts
65
Burgers was a great site, I was sorry it got shut down. I will say what said about not maturing past 14 when his addiction started is absolutely one of the saddest 5hings about addiction. It totally stalled me for almost 20 years. I wasn't near as bad as him, but I see my loser nefew still living with his mom at 27 with no thought of ever moving out. He was such a smart cool kid, he is the laziest person I've ever know, and that's saying alot because I'm lazy as shit.
 

medi1

Eminent member
Joined
Jan 12, 2017
Posts
1,308
I started smoking weed and drinking with my buddies when I was about 13. I loved it every day & a lot of great memories but years later I started suffering severe paranoia.
I didn't even know what it was and was too proud to ask anyone for help. I tried diazepam from a friend and loved the euphoric feeling so I started stealing diazepam & temazepam from my mums purse.
I became dependant but I didn't know anything about withdrawls, I was very naive. I ended up in a b&b as we couldn't keep our house so I was in this b&b waiting for a house with my mum & dad in one room and me in an other. I was going through feelings I had no idea how do control - I was paranoid beyond belief, I was so tense, nervous, embarrassed, anxious and on top of that I couldn't get access to my mums purse so I was going through benzo withdrawls. I was in a very dark scary place, eventually we got a house but I was still a nervous wreck & a shell of my formal self. I ended up smoking a class A opioid to numb all those horrendous feelings, Stupid move I know! But friends were doing it and it was the only thing that I could get that gave me relief. Anyway after years of smoking that I walked away from it in "2010" and I've never looked back. But the anxiety and paranoia still haunted me so I did eventually get diazepam prescribed from my Doc. I still couldn't function after getting used to the Diaz. I found a website and bought xanax and that relief was great! Then with more searching eventually found this amazing forum and made a lot of friends with good helpful people who had similar problems, I got some sources & I buy the meds that work the best for me but I only take them every few days, I have breaks from taking non prescribed meds so I don't become addicted.
 

rachy

Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2018
Posts
44
A bit late to the party but I basically came here looking for something instead of Codeine.
When I was a teenager, I used to get the most awful headaches constantly and used Panadeine just about daily. Then I had a few stints with other things as I was growing up - an enormous amount of LSD & meth but I still maintained my job and being a member of society. Still got the headaches though and of course used Panadeine - although not so regularly. I had some awful abusive relationships - one of my partners was a drug dealer and I ended up having an abortion when I was 19.
I got into a lot of meth after that to dull the pain of that plus it helped me to turn up for work everyday and communicate effectively. I think I must have been going through a lot of mental issues at that stage.
Then I got married, got clean - my husband didn't have a clue about any of it.
I had 2 kids - both C-sections. After my last child, they gave me Tramadol but only while I was in hospital. I went home and was still in pain so ended up taking Nurofen Plus (ibuprofen and codeine) and liked the way it made me feel, plus it was legal. It was also OTC which made it easy to get.
Then they decided to make it prescription only so I decided to find it somewhere online. I stumbled across this site when I tried looking for some Tramadol after having no luck with the codeine.
Now I'm here to read a lot about things everyone is going through and it makes me feel more normal. Like there are others like me and I'm not totally alone. Even though I don't know anyone here, I kind of feel like I do. At least I can understand a lot of things people say.
I like having the escape and it feels like I'm actually the real me, not someone acting out a part.
 

throwawaymcsneaky

Senior member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Posts
61
I've been severely sick with a rare disease the last 8 years, housebound for the last 3. My kind doctors unfortunately don't have any answers. I order online in the small hope that I can find my way out of my suffering and get my life back. I've mostly been a lurker here, but thank you all for sharing kindness and information - it's been a big help.
 

Seychelle

Distinguished member
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
Posts
515
A bit late to the party but I basically came here looking for something instead of Codeine.
When I was a teenager, I used to get the most awful headaches constantly and used Panadeine just about daily. Then I had a few stints with other things as I was growing up - an enormous amount of LSD & meth but I still maintained my job and being a member of society. Still got the headaches though and of course used Panadeine - although not so regularly. I had some awful abusive relationships - one of my partners was a drug dealer and I ended up having an abortion when I was 19.
I got into a lot of meth after that to dull the pain of that plus it helped me to turn up for work everyday and communicate effectively. I think I must have been going through a lot of mental issues at that stage.
Then I got married, got clean - my husband didn't have a clue about any of it.
I had 2 kids - both C-sections. After my last child, they gave me Tramadol but only while I was in hospital. I went home and was still in pain so ended up taking Nurofen Plus (ibuprofen and codeine) and liked the way it made me feel, plus it was legal. It was also OTC which made it easy to get.
Then they decided to make it prescription only so I decided to find it somewhere online. I stumbled across this site when I tried looking for some Tramadol after having no luck with the codeine.
Now I'm here to read a lot about things everyone is going through and it makes me feel more normal. Like there are others like me and I'm not totally alone. Even though I don't know anyone here, I kind of feel like I do. At least I can understand a lot of things people say.
I like having the escape and it feels like I'm actually the real me, not someone acting out a part.

Welcome @rachy,
Honest post, Welcome!
S
 

macy539

Senior member
Joined
May 17, 2020
Posts
60
The cost of non-generic medicines in my country is ridiculous and doctors in my area are terrified of prescribing anything stronger than aspirin for more than a couple of days. That's the main two reasons.
 

Captain Planet

Honorable member
Joined
Jun 7, 2011
Posts
299
A bit late to the party but I basically came here looking for something instead of Codeine.
When I was a teenager, I used to get the most awful headaches constantly and used Panadeine just about daily. Then I had a few stints with other things as I was growing up - an enormous amount of LSD & meth but I still maintained my job and being a member of society. Still got the headaches though and of course used Panadeine - although not so regularly. I had some awful abusive relationships - one of my partners was a drug dealer and I ended up having an abortion when I was 19.
I got into a lot of meth after that to dull the pain of that plus it helped me to turn up for work everyday and communicate effectively. I think I must have been going through a lot of mental issues at that stage.
Then I got married, got clean - my husband didn't have a clue about any of it.
I had 2 kids - both C-sections. After my last child, they gave me Tramadol but only while I was in hospital. I went home and was still in pain so ended up taking Nurofen Plus (ibuprofen and codeine) and liked the way it made me feel, plus it was legal. It was also OTC which made it easy to get.
Then they decided to make it prescription only so I decided to find it somewhere online. I stumbled across this site when I tried looking for some Tramadol after having no luck with the codeine.
Now I'm here to read a lot about things everyone is going through and it makes me feel more normal. Like there are others like me and I'm not totally alone. Even though I don't know anyone here, I kind of feel like I do. At least I can understand a lot of things people say.
I like having the escape and it feels like I'm actually the real me, not someone acting out a part.
"I like having the escape and it feels like I'm actually the real me, not someone acting out a part."

That... is awesome
 

Doc Rogue

Honorable member
Joined
Mar 14, 2018
Posts
437
For all the decades I’ve been prescribed meds, it didn’t occur to me until I stumbled across this website that I could actually order any of my scripts online. I get kinda bummed thinking how I missed out on the whole NROP era. Or maybe that was for the better, who knows.
I was actually g00gling “natural pain relief” or something like that a few years back, because I was growing tired of always trying to convince my doc in the earlier days how bad my pain was, and could I please, please! get a refill on my meds?Damn I hated asking for refills! Always tried to go in when I was truly at my worst so I didn’t feel like I had to try too hard to be myself while suffering in agonizing pain, and they would see how bad off I was.
But still, they give you that side eye look, like you’re trying to pull a fast one, like the dirty low-life scumbag drug seeker that I am. Or at least that’s how I felt,, like that’s what they thought of me.

Anyway, one of the techniques or meds that popped up in my search was part of a discussion on this forum. So I made a login and for a few months just read up and soaked in as much as I could from this site. Pretty soon I started posting here and there, and as they say, the rest is history.
 

calgal99

Eminent member
Joined
Aug 22, 2015
Posts
1,319
I need a narcotic med for what was eventually diagnosed (after about 6 years of mis-diagnoses and way too many treatments and meds for same) as "chronic cough syndrome," i.e. I get a wracking cough (strong and long enough that I barf; I've also cracked several ribs) which has no "medically-discernable reason." (Sort of a direct quote from the head of the C-P branch of the huge medical org that I belonged to.) Trying to get these meds for "not-pain" reasons is basically impossible, because I don't fit into anyone's scenario (e.g. no pain clinic will take me.) So I am stuck with this as my only reasonable option. It's not fun, and it's not a joke.
 

jaders

Eminent member
Joined
Feb 1, 2012
Posts
1,836
I need a narcotic med for what was eventually diagnosed (after about 6 years of mis-diagnoses and way too many treatments and meds for same) as "chronic cough syndrome," i.e. I get a wracking cough (strong and long enough that I barf; I've also cracked several ribs) which has no "medically-discernable reason." (Sort of a direct quote from the head of the C-P branch of the huge medical org that I belonged to.) Trying to get these meds for "not-pain" reasons is basically impossible, because I don't fit into anyone's scenario (e.g. no pain clinic will take me.) So I am stuck with this as my only reasonable option. It's not fun, and it's not a joke.
You are a PERFECT example of someone who knows their own body and what they need to help the quality of your life. That ANYONE else can tell you which med you can have or not have is really enraging. We're not children and we absolutely have the right to make these decisions for ourselves.
 

marymary

Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2015
Posts
19
I was on the DB forums back in the day when weight loss sites started to dry up. I finally cut those ties and haven't looked back. Had a surgery a few years back and find myself needing pain meds. For now I am able to get my doctor to write scripts but worry about that changing.
 

UncleHorace

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Posts
23
Well... when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they can express that love in a physical way, which can signal to the local stork that they want a child. So, the stork comes, lays the baby at their feet, tips his cap, and flies back to Heaven.
That’s how I came into this world.
 
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